I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
