please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
