Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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