I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
