Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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