He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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