then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
