I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
