shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
