last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
