if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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