Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hippo gnu deer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
