ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
