a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
