she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
