I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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