Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
