is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need moral support for this bender
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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