But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
