Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
