So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
