I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
