Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
