sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
