You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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