well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
