I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
