So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
