I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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