So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we're making bets on your personal life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
