Where is the hickey?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
