wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
