Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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