is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
