well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
