what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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