he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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