I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
