I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
