It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
