hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
