i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
