you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
