his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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