Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
