...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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