that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
