It's like God shit irony all over that family
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
