Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
