make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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