dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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