How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
