She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
