I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
