walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
